Beauty and the Beast
Hey, everybody! Welcome back to Comments of the Week, the hot spot where all the cool kids gather round to gossip about what’s been going down in Destructoid lately. Like, oh my gosh, have you seen how fat what’s-her-face gotten? Or how tipsy the accountant gets after you give her a few drinks?
Well, if you haven’t been kicking here lately, then come check out what all the Dtoider have been saying around your back! As always, comments will be categorized into three categories:
TRUTH:black licorice is 50 times sweeter than sugar.
LOL:so… almost as sweet as my penis.
WUT?:not… not thatIwould know that myself.
If you haven’t check out last week’s edition ofComments of the Week, then go ahead and do that, I guess. I mean, why would you? It’ssoold news now. Like, we were talking smack about this one dude, but now we’re talking smack about you.
FromReview: Hue
Dreamweaver:I say, say again?
Dreamweaver:“How low can you go?” is a secret code for whether or not a hooker can deepthroat.
FromNintendo 3DS Games are 2 for $30 at Toys R Us
Dreamweaver:The type of hookers I wake up to every morning are already my reminders. ?
FromThis week’s PSN sale knocks 30 percent off The Witness
Dreamweaver:Go fast to last.
FromMy Nintendo extends expiration period for Gold Points
Dreamweaver:If you have reward points but no rewards to spend them on, then do you really have reward points?
Dreamweaver:That’s how they get you!
FromNew Rise of the Tomb Raider footage shows hella zombies
Dreamweaver:“Gargoyles” are also funnier to shout out than “zombies.” Like, imagine saying to your buddy “damn, look at that gargoyle!”
FromShin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse delayed in Europe and Australia, coming in winter
Dreamweaver:Oh…region-locking.
I need to put out an orphanage. Full of tiny baby kittens.
FromGrab Victini for free in your Pokemon game of choice today
Dreamweaver:…I deserve more upvotes. ?
FromSuper Mario Maker is coming to 3DS this year with a big restriction
Dreamweaver:Imagine what could happen if they worked together. Either they’d have a killer console and a killer handheld… but they both fail completely.
Dreamweaver:Like Super Mario Maker for 3DS, these comments are out of (on)line!
FromWell, that’s one way to declutter waypoints in No Man’s Sky
Dreamweaver:Wait, humans don’t do that too?
FromEVE Online is going free-to-play later this year
Dreamweaver:It’d make doing spreadsheets funner.
FromMotorboat some boobies in Dead or Alive Xtreme VR
Dreamweaver:Like eight boobies to the face.
Wait, that’s not the actual lyrics? Fuck that!
Dreamweaver:Add “it’s snowing in Mt. Fuji.” It always works 57% of the time.
FromThe most WTF Kinect game yet is about becoming the perfect woman
Dreamweaver:Crackhead always cracks me up.
FromAssassin’s Creed: The Ezio Collection to run at 1080p, 30 FPS
Dreamweaver:We ain’t ever getting older.
Now we BOTH got that song stuck in our heads!
FromA new Pikmin title is coming to the 3DS
Dreamweaver:I’ll Federation your Force!
It’s witty. Shut up.
FromLo Wang returns in October for Shadow Warrior 2
Dreamweaver:Yeah, well, my dingus is two inches from the ground too!
If you count the crotch as the “ground.”
FromThe 3DS is getting a Nintendo Direct this week
Dreamweaver:Nintendo, you sly mother suckers.
FromThe Halo car is coming to Forza Horizon 3
Dreamweaver:“Do you have kids you don’t know about?”
Whew, good thing he isn’t askingmethat.
FromMinecraft for Windows 10 continues to catch up with its Boss Update
Dreamweaver:A bit stiff though.
FromToon Zelda is a g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-girl
Dreamweaver:*turns hat sideways*
I know you ain’t dissing ZeldaRight in front of meYou saying she has a funny face?You better be talking to a mirror you see
Right in front of youBecause that’s your date tonightYou going home alone with itWhile Zelda holds my Wind Waker tight
…
That took me two hours to write.
FromThe Uncharted movie is in development hell again
Dreamweaver:I don’t know, IS IT?
FromSony’s unannounced PS4 Slim has already been reviewed
Dreamweaver:But everyone already knows about the Wii U.
Dreamweaver:What if Laura Kate Dale is just a figment of our collective imaginations, manifested by our obsessions with big butts and double whats?
And that’s it for this edition, folks! Hope you enjoyed the ride, and we’ll meet again next week. Until then, increase your chances to get your commentscompletely stolen by me featured in the next entry by simply saying something funny in the comments! Remember: I can do thistotallydo this without you… but it’s thelesserpeople who matter, not me.