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Welcome back to Comments of the Week! Your host, the lovely and enigmatic Dreamweaver, is back for yet another round of delicious comments, cut straight from the articles themselves! I’m sorry, I did try to get them as fresh as possible, but you’d be surprised how silent people get when you ask if you can stick a knife in their throats. Anyway, whether you’ve been out and about, or simply want to go back in time and change the course of history by staring into these comment clips, then this is for you! As always, comments are categorized into three divisions:
TRUTH: The average groundhog is 20 inches long and normally weighs from 12 to 15 pounds.
LOL: Just like my penis, ladies.
WUT?: How on Earth am I still single? ?
In case you’re just waking up from your hibernation because of all the snow lately, you’ll want to head back into the past and check out last week’s Comments of the Week. There’s nothing better than watching your fellow Dtoiders go crazy from the cold!
From Here’s your first look at Senran Kagura creator’s new Vita game in action
Dreamweaver:This man speaks the truth!
Dreamweaver: I’ve yet to play a videogame — that wasn’t pornographic — where we can see a woman’s vagina. I feel like that’s an… untapped market.
From Mighty No. 9 delayed (again)
Dreamweaver: Mighty No-rphin’ Power Rangers!
Okay, one of us messed this up, but I’m not sure who it was…
Dreamweaver: This also applies to the advanced fapping technique, “edging.”
Dreamweaver: …A prelude to an awesome porn video?
From Cyber Sub-Zero sneaks into MKX as Triborg’s fourth variation
Dreamweaver:…So you’re saying Warner Brothers is lying to us once again?
From Mighty No. 9 is a lesson for future Kickstarters
Dreamweaver: So we’re halfway there! ?
From FNaF World pulled from Steam, refunds being made available for all
Dreamweaver: Good for his lady friends, too!
From Review: Final Fantasy Explorers
Dreamweaver: If you wanna control time, just move the minute hand on the clock.
From All the crazy Beautiful Mind shit I did to beat The Witness
Dreamweaver: …People take less than six years to finish high school?
Dreamweaver: Only because the human trafficking business is in high demand but low supply!
From These Funko Pac-Man figures are distressing
Dreamweaver: Talk about conceited.
FromThese Virtua Fighter toys capture the classic look
Dreamweaver:Reminds me of the boxes of cheap pregnancy tests I give to all my hookers. Maybe I should’ve included the actual pregnancy test.
FromCat dating sim is trying to get on Steam
Dreamweaver: I was thinking more “looks like these felines are fe-FINES, amright?”
From Bombshell’s sword does exactly what you’d expect a sword to do
Dreamweaver:I wonder if they make ultrasonic dildos…
From Platinum’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game is getting revealed tomorrow
Dreamweaver: It’s gonna be legend — wait for it…
From Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan officially announced
Dreamweaver: — dary!
From Bless these early, monstrous Street Fighter V mods
Dreamweaver: I can see how someone could get that mixed up.
From The Witness has no need for impatient players, and that’s awesome
Dreamweaver:Does that saying apply when you’re pissed off?
Dreamweaver:…This got awkward, real fast.
Dreamweaver: We’re trying to ignore you, but you’re making it a lot harder than it needs to be!
From Be the mayor of the gayest town ever in Pridefest
Dreamweaver: Would transexuals somehow fix that problem?
From Aw man, Benimaru is in King of Fighters XIV
Dreamweaver: I got a K-minus on my report card once. It wasn’t a typo.
From That deer game that was developed by a 16-year old is being published by Team17
Dreamweaver: Still not Matt Damon tho’.
Dreamweaver: I’m the opposite. When I have low self-esteem, I watch Queen of Spade videos and feel inadequate.
From Watch Ninja Theory make this mocap lady do silly shit for Hellblade
Dreamweaver: …What are you doing tonight?
From Jonathan Blow says The Witness is very popular among pirates
Dreamweaver:Well, that was his piss-take.
Dreamweaver:They love the “c” yet they still get scurvy. *rimshot*
From Game Developer Barbie is real and coming to a daughter near you
Dreamweaver: “I didn’t know you could make… sex… in… But.”
From Podtoid 320: Grandma is a Climate Denier
Dreamweaver: Why aren’t you powering the graphics of my Xbox One then?
From Rumor: Bungie to start selling premium ammo packs in Destiny
Dreamweaver: Alright, but hurry back. The suspense is killing me.
Dreamweaver: I thought we’re trying NOT to get the man elected!
From Review: The Witness
Dreamweaver: The hit movie, The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down, gets a sequel: The Bus Driver Who Couldn’t Stay Awake.
From Make sweet, sweet, screeching music with the Steam Controller
Dreamweaver: Rebecca Black = We beck da black. Sounds kinky.
From That Detective Pikachu game has been revealed for 3DS
Dreamweaver: Who watches the Pikachu?
Dreamweaver: So, it’s one “Pika” for no, two “Pika” for yes?
[b]From Nina Williams confirmed for Tekken 7: Fated Retribution
Dreamweaver: I hope it’s my balls. Nina can beat the fuck out of me any day.
From Hard Reset returns with a Redux release
Dreamweaver: There’s a “Redix” joke in there somewhere.
From You can now view Destiny’s Calcified Fragment list by character
Dreamweaver: If we need to an ultrasound, can we also use an ultrasonic sword for surgery? I feel like we need to keep a theme.
From I would gladly trade a Rock Band 4 set for a puppy
Dreamweaver: I’m going to assume you took the picture from the front for our benefit.
From Lupe Fiasco is going to kick Daigo’s ass in Street Fighter V
Dreamweaver: They’re considered a delicacy in Red Light Districts.
Dreamweaver: What if the ants have finally begun their assault against humanity by posing as words on laptops and books? We’d never see them coming.
And that’s it for this edition, folks! I hope you had a good time getting your ass eaten! Remember, screaming only ruins the dining experience.