Let the inimitable Captain Qwark intro the new-old Ratchet & Clank


It’s ratchet and, uh, fleek

Ratchet & Clank is back with a retelling of the original game. And it’s coming out April 12, my birthday, or as some of you may affectionately know it: Dark Souls III day. The lovable Captain Qwark has the skinny as unreliable narrator in this new trailer if you can’t remember what happened 12 years ago when the first entry in the series released.

The game is going to be accompanied by a feature film on April 29, which I recently learned includes a voice performance by Sly Stallone when I took an ill-advised sojourn to a movie theatre recently and renounced all aspects of humanity, because movie theatres are torture machines that blare the worst advertising in your face for 20 minutes before the picture starts after you’ve paid $12 to get into a building that reeks of popcorn and surreptitious finger-banging in the back row.