My favorite thing on the internet this week, by far
In what I can safely say is the gaming-related highlight of my week, a novelty Twitter bot is cracking up From Software fans with absurd yet poignant Dark Souls item descriptions.
The premise, as described by creator @Arr, is simple: fire some words at the @soulsitem account, then wait. It’ll return with a bespoke Dark Souls item entry, complete with world-weary lore for you to mull over while you run back to face that tricky boss again.
Some recent highlights include a supportive donkey “that wanders the battlefield to provide cover for its friends,” a suspicious toaster that “only the guilty nibble on,” and a divorced dad’s apartment key. As @soulsitem explains, “There are many great sorcerers who have gone their separate ways.” I’m excited to see your ideas next.
I thought about a few anachronistic suggestions, randomly conjured a riled-up scene with Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet, and submitted my idea. Soon after, the bot delivered:
Pabst Blue Ribbon pic.twitter.com/oUHEgJQaQs
— soulsitem (@soulsitem) January 26, 2022
Make sure Majula’s theme is playing. Now, for posterity: “The light blue-colored Pabst that can be found on the kingsmen of Forossa’s castle is consumed like wine, and has a telling effect on those who drink it. The dauntless Forossa Knights once served as royal guard, and it is said that not a single knight returned from the battles of old.”
There are already tons of silly examples out in the wild — my introduction to the account was Bon Jovi’s Cursed Motorcycle of all things, which raises so many questions — and I expect the hijinks are only just getting started given how these gags tend to spread.
bon jovi's cursed motorcycle pic.twitter.com/Evu0MThyNw
— soulsitem (@soulsitem) January 25, 2022
According to its maker, the bot uses GPT-3 to spit out its uncanny responses.
“I’ve done like 20 different GPT-3 things and they’ve all been pretty astonishing,” noted @Arr. “Somehow it really GETS Dark Souls though.”
It may lack a certain precision and thoughtfulness that goes into From Software’s lore-heavy item descriptions, but the experiment is successful enough to crack me up.
Cheers, @Arr — this Dark Souls Twitter bot is such good nonsense. I needed it.