Attention Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel buyers: I have dibs on Wilhelm


He’s not a bad guy…yet

Back in 2012 I had dibs on Zer0 from Borderlands 2. I didn’t regret it! I completed the game several times with him and embarked upon the DLC with a smile on my face.

ButBorderlands: The Pre-Sequel doesn’t have Zer0, which is a major bummer. Instead, I’ll be rockingWilhelm. One ninja’s loss is another epic beard’s gain.

That beard tho

Every once and a while I’ll grow a beard just to let people know that I’m an adult.Wilhelm doesn’t really have that problem because his beard is permanently attached to his face. Just look at that flowing mane. That grey area in the middle to prove that he’s seen some shit, the preciseness of the cut. It’s almost like Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine beard but manlier.

The beard even comes into play with his skill tree. Probably. Maybe.

He has drones to do his bidding

Wilhelm’s Action Skill calls out a pair of drones named Wolf and Saint — which sounds like the most badass pub name ever made. Wolf goes out and sacrifices itself for the greater good of badassness, and Saint hangs back and throws up some shields. Darren thinks that it’s a ripoff of Gaige’s Deathtrap, but he’s totally wrong because of reasons.

You know what that means? The game plays itself. You don’t even really need to do anything as long as your drones have your back.

Besides, games can never be too easy these days. Remember the retro era where it actually took skill and time to learn the ins and outs of something? Forget that, Wilhelm has you covered.

He eventually becomes more of a cyborg which is kind of like a cyborg ninja

As you upgradeWilhelm he gets more and more robot-y. Eventually when he appears in Borderlands 2he will be free from the confines of his miserable pile of little secrets that we call a “body” — but for now you can see him evolve in real time.

Ninjas are obviously the coolest (see: I had dibs on Zer0). A lot of cool ninjas are cyborgs, and Wilhelm can become a cyborg, so he’s basically a ninja at this point. With a beard.