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Welcome back! If you can hear me, then that means you survived the winter weather and came here to check out the newest edition of Comments of the Week. If so, that means you care more about this community showcase than you do your own friends and family! Gee, that means a lot to me! I think we should snuggle up beside the fireplace. Please ignore the copious amounts of condoms lying there, that’s just there for… decoration. Anyway, before we get started, comments are divided into three categories:
TRUTH: drinking chocolates dates thousands of years ago, where the Mayan used to drink them cold with wine and chili peppers.
LOL: that’s why they’re all dead.
WUT?: now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make drinks for my upcoming suicide party. Can you say “best sleepover ever”?
Normally, I’d recommend that you check out last week’s edition, but I passed out after eating a candy bar, so unless you really, really, REALLY want to watch me sleep the whole time, then… you’re weird. Also, I kept hearing Mike Martin’s voice, but I’m not sure why. Maybe you should check it out and see what the hell happened.
From Does the Nintendo NX need to support VR to succeed?
Dreamweaver: “If it grows lips and sucks my dick, I’m buying two”
If you get three, it becomes a harem.
From The sweet annihilation of Nuclear Throne
Dreamweaver: Now this is a man who’ve seen some stuff.
From Sony is sending out those free PlayStation Plus extension codes
Dreamweaver: I paid someone’s mom 14 cents to have sex with me, but it, too, wasn’t worth the effort.
From Ryu and Famicom ROB amiibo up for pre-order at Best Buy
Dreamweaver: I bet he would like for you to give it a “blow” better.
From Life is Strange Limited Edition is out today
Dreamweaver: Technically, he did say “no.” This is why he’ll never becoe a lawyer.
From Dark Souls is getting its own comic series
Dreamweaver: This is why we don’t hand Joe clipboards.
From Surprise! Mortal Kombat X is getting its own Komplete Edition
Dreamweaver: iam16 can see into the future, which clearly means he’s a witch.
Time to bust out the pitchforks.
From Have a few more Shenmue III screenshots
Dreamweaver: I think it’s because that rock in the distance suspiciously looks like an erect penis with testicles.
From Gal Gun: Double Peace is coming west this year
Dreamweaver: I hope it also comes with a replica of his bulge. I like my girls to have floppy weiners.
From Scott Cawthon admits he released FNaF World too early
Dreamweaver: Can’t I just call it FNAF World?
Dreamweaver: Just like me in bed.
I can already hear the ladies lining up.
From Amazon’s robot has been steadily dropping Fallout 4’s price
Dreamweaver: Thanks for ruining my dinner. Jerk.
Dreamweaver: He could never be a pimp.
From New York’s hippest borough axed from The Division’s launch
Dreamweaver: Not without dinner.
From Wanna feel uncomfortable? Look at Rides With Strangers’ Kickstarter
Dreamweaver: Of course not. The closer the kin, the better the skin. Why settle for less?
From This Super Metroid hack is a pseudo-remake of Metroid Fusion
Dreamweaver: Gosh darn it, Baron.
From Knuckle Sandwich is another peculiar RPG
Dreamweaver: If you don’t get the joke, try saying it with a Canadian accent!
From The Witness is actually going to cost $40
Dreamweaver: Permission granted, I say.
From Necropolis should be even better with friends
Dreamweaver: That’s not true at all. I don’t want someone hogging the vagina while the body’s still warm.
From Jonathan Blow’s pee in a bottle
Dreamweaver: You’re clearly a straw.
Dreamweaver: Urine? More like ur-out… of urine.
From Writer David Gaider leaves BioWare
Dreamweaver: Just like my girlfriend.
Dreamweaver: Get out.
Dreamweaver: Isay should write parody movies for now on.
From Women outnumber men in the top game design school’s graduate program
Dreamweaver: …Like the Jews?
Dreamweaver: Have you seen him with his shirt off?
From Here’s everything in the latest Xbox One update
Dreamweaver: Directions unclear, got dick stuck in box.
From Mario Kart 64 dashing to Wii U in Europe this week
Dreamweaver: Huh… now that he mentioned it, it’s like Bowser is trying to warn Mario about an impending doom, but he’s too busy trying to drive away from Wario like he’s the fat cousin who no one wants to hang with. Also, Peach is obviously trying to check out his mushroom.
From Ravenloft is returning to D&D with the Curse of Strahd
Dreamweaver: You’re right, he does look contagious.
From Final Fantasy IX gets the Final Fantasy Explorers snub
Dreamweaver: He’s too sexy for that body.
From Want to watch The Order: 1886’s story without having to play it?
Dreamweaver:Well, not that shocked.
From Nintendo Download: Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam
Dreamweaver: It’s not? Dammit, those foreign money changers lied to me! I should’ve known Australia wouldn’t have such a sweet name for their money.
From Some Arkham Knight forum members are finding their quotes in the game
Dreamweaver: Not enough butts, 2/14.
From Mario Kart 64 on Wii U DOES NOT have ghost data support
Dreamweaver: The only explanation is that these guys are all Canadians.
From Surprise? FNaF World is out early
Dreamweaver: I also have a thing, but the police says I’m not allowed to show it anyone.
From Mistwalker is recruiting for a new project
Dreamweaver: I am now entirely suspicious of wizards who asks me to shake their staffs to make mayonaisse.
Alrighty then, that’s it for this edition! Remember what I always say, kids: “stay in school, eat your vegetables, and why do drugs when you can get more money selling them?” Toodle loo!