Gearbox announces new partnership with guy in oversized trench coat (Fauxclusive)


Totally legitimate

Following the demise of its poorly planned deal with gray market reseller G2A, Gearbox announced today any new partnerships the company makes will only be with retailers that are on the complete up-and-up, such as its new deal with a guy on a street corner wearing an oversized trench coat.

A Gearbox spokesperson said the publisher had learned its lesson with the G2A debacle and will now properly vet its retailer partners. The spokesperson said the company decided to go with the shifty man who just stands on a street corner for hours at a time wearing a big coat no matter what the weather after their uncle totally vouched for him.

“You want Bulletstorm, I got Bulletstorm,” said the man in the trench coat as he anxiously looked around for the fuzz. “I’ll give you two for 50, three for 65, two for 50, three for 65. What else you want? You want Battleborn? I got Battleborn. I got another 55 coats full of Battleborn. Can’t move it. I’ll give you 20 Battleborn for a dollar.”

Gearbox says if the partnership works out, it may develop other exclusive deals with a guy who sells stuff out of a trunk or a guy who only does business in the dark corner of a bar.