Who Let the Blogs Out?!
[It’s that time yet again for ‘Who Let the Blogs Out,’ our series of highlighting blogs we might have missed the first go around. In this entry, Dere discusses his mom’s very definite mom-isms as she does her best to encourage and comprehend this weird new ‘video gaming’ thing all the kids are obsessed with. Get your work featured on Destructoid’s Front Page by writing a cool blog like Dere’s! And be sure to discuss your parents’ desperate attempts at understanding gaming in the comments below! – Wes]
I love my mother. She’s a pretty awesome lady. Growing up, she did her best to keep things sane in a household with two boys that gave everyone a run for their money, a daughter that constantly pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in our house, and a father who was at times just one of the boys. But she was always there for us and continues to be to this day.
That said, she has absolutely no clue about video games! To her credit she has tried. She’s watched me play video games. She’s asked questions to try and learn more. Heck when I left the house, she even attempted to play some games to fill a void that developed in my dad (one guess as to how well this went over). I appreciate the effort she has put in, but I have been on a nostalgia kick recently and started remembering fondly some of her wonderful momisms on gaming.
1. Everything is a Nintendo
When I was younger, Nintendo consoles were what I always had. The SNES and the N64 were my first two consoles. Mom always just called them, “The Nintendo.” We didn’t correct her on the specific names – it was a sign of things to come. When I turned 16 I branched out and purchased the Xbox. It didn’t matter that it was a totally different company, it was still a Nintendo to mom. I would have to say, over a hundred times I’ve corrected her over the years when she asked how my Nintendo play is going. I’d say, “Xbox, mom,” and she’d reply with, “Oh they’re the same thing.” I’ve developed quite the eye twitch from this…to this day, everything is a Nintendo to mom. The last time they visited she asked if we’d watched any good shows on Netflix on the Nintendo One. Arghhhh! At least we are making progress, I guess. We’ve now made the rule in my wife and my’s apartment that gaming systems will be referred to as their correct names. If you don’t abide by that rule, you owe me a lasagna.
2. “Can’t you get the smaller controller?”
Kind of coinciding with the first point, when I first opened my Xbox and she saw the sheer size of the controller, the first thing Mom said was, “Oh my word, that’s too many buttons. Can’t you get the smaller, easier Nintendo controller?” I’ve tried explaining that all controllers don’t work for every system and I need all those buttons. With dismay and frustration, my mother to this day will state, “It’s just a controller, I don’t see why you can’t get the simple one.” But hey, this is the lady that didn’t understand why the A button made Mario jump. “They should just call it the jump button.”
3. After the Game Boy, everything is a handheld
When I was 16, we took a trip to Disney World. Instead of flying, we decided it was a good idea to drive. Let me just burst that bubble…it’s not fun! 16-18 hours in a cramped car that after an hour or two reeked of flatulence and sweaty orifices. Anyway, I digress. Before this long ass trip, I was extremely worried about what in the hell I was going to do for this drive. My GBA was busted so that wasn’t an option. Enter mom.
Mom said to me (I may be paraphrasing here a bit), “Just take your Xbox Nintendo thing and play it in the car.” The look I gave her had to be one of confusion and incredulity. I explained to her that it wasn’t a mobile system and we didn’t have a TV or the hook ups in the car for it. For the next couple of weeks she proceeded to continue to ask me if I was going to take my Xbox with us and I continually explained how it wouldn’t work. Mom never quite understood that, and would say, “I know you can take games with you, I’ve seen other people do it.” No mom…just no.
4. All RPGs are sex adventures
Don’t even ask me where this one comes from. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, maybe it’s just a my mom thing, but she thinks that RPGs are “sex games.” “Why are you getting these crazy sex games?” she’d ask. Even now, she’ll ask how my wife feels about those sex games I have. Oy. I’m fairly certain my mother thinks I’m some crazed sex fiend who’s into all sorts of kinky stuff. Which, you know, I am…but not because of RPGs!
5. Mom continually referred to the Game Boy as a PlayBoy
This is one that we still give Mom a hard time on. Over the years, she could not remember Game Boy and called it a PlayBoy. This got us in trouble: At the age of eight or nine I had a Game Boy and my mother, in talking with other parents, explained to them about how much fun her eight-year-old son had with the PlayBoy they got him for Christmas. I kid you not, we had a counselor at school speak with us one evening and explain how buying those magazines for an eight-year-old, may not be ideal, and if it continued they would have to get someone to intervene. Luckily after about an hour of explanation, we were able to get him to understand.
I also remember a few years down the road getting a Game Boy Color. I was probably 11 and my mom stopped a gaming store clerk and if he could help us with getting a “PlayBoy in Color.” I turned the brightest shade of red and the clerk was speechless. After a few seconds of stunned silence he explained it wasn’t that kind of store. Eventually though I got my Game Boy Color. Looking back, I wouldn’t have said no to a PlayBoy Color.
We’ve had many laughs at Mom’s expense over the years – especially about gaming things. She takes it in stride and goes along with it, though. Even with her gaming ignorance, she tries, and she never discouraged my gaming…except when she thought I was a deviant sex addict. Thanks, Mom, for all you’ve done. Love you.