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Wednesday, May 25, 2022

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The most unrealistic thing that has ever happened in a video game

Cage’d

“I liked Indigo Prophecy, but Heavy Rain and Beyond sucked.”

Oh, is that right? Heavy Rain is a little bit bad, and I haven’t played Beyond, but let’s never get rose-tinted when talking about Fahrenheit/Indigo Prophecy. Because for its exciting, body-hiding opening, it had plenty of garbage going on, including the most unrealistic thing ever seen in a medium where plumbers smash turtles and Doom guy’s abs look like that.

Here is the breakdown. Bad sweatered goofball of a main character, Lucas, has been broken up with. His ex comes to get some things and, during small talk, notices his guitar. Instead of taking her things and leaving, she asks him to play guitar for her. She asks him to play guitar for her.

Instead of sitting on a chair, she sits on the floor, fixated. Lucas plucks sad guitar as the player beep boops a Simon and the ex-girlfriend listens quietly and approvingly for like two minutes straight.

Then they bang to even worse music.

It is possible that David Cage has never talked to a real human, I agree with you all.

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