You do it to yourself, you do, and that’s what really hurts
They say you should never marry for love, but I always do. Every single damn time. I guess you could call me a romantic. If you felt like being less charitable (and possibly more accurate), you could call me a scrub. I couldn’t say you’d be wrong. Sadly, that’s never stopped me from picking my fighting game characters based on some whimsical, fuzzy, undefinable personal appeal rather than any practical consideration. I look at the character first and the frame data a distant second.
Coincidentally, I also end up always picking duds. Colorful jobbers who reside in the deep bottom third of tier lists, a gaggle of gold brickers who almost never show up in tournaments where people play for “real.” I’m like a reverse talent scout with a keen eye for hamstringing liabilities and poor upper end viability. I’ve made a career out of consistently picking out which fighter will take the biggest, hardest dive and signing them up for a lifetime contract.
When it comes to NetherRealm’s fighters, I’ve been in top form. I took one look at Noob Saibot, the ninja-by-way-of-Darth-Vader, and decided to main him inMortal Kombat 9. He was fiddly and awkward at close range, while being outclassed by more dynamic zoners at full screen where he was supposed (?) to dominate. Sure, his X-Ray move was undeniably dope, but when would you ever get a chance to use it when you were so busy eating Cyrax bombs and Kabal’s aerial energy blasts?
InInjustice, I mained Lex Luthor from day one and never looked back, even when facing ten game (and higher) losing streaks. Lex was a giant lug of a fighter with all the size and sluggishness of a grappler and none of the damage to back it up. He was a finesse character, based on set-ups and smart use of his hyper armor in a game where the most popular characters could evaporate half a health-bar with one combo and had movesspecifically designed to ignore hyper armor. I doomed myself to living under Kryptonian tyranny and had only myself to blame.
So which piece of deadweight will I pick up in Mortal Kombat X? Which character will I fall in love with early and stick by, despite it becoming increasingly apparent that they are absolute garbage? What kind of destructive co-dependent relationship will I get tangled up in this time?
Quan Chi is a dark sorcerer shitbag that nobody likes, both in the fandom and in the series’ narrative. He is a universally reviled toady, unsuccessfully scheming behind the back of whatever master he is currently serving like an incompetent, bald Starscream. The contrarian streak in me that identifies with underdogs finds these qualities strangely endearing (this is also why I’m doomed to fail).
Quan has a couple of bizarre fighting styles that rely on the clever use of a summoned bat-demon or cheeky portals to force the opponent into mix-up situations and generally be an annoying jackass. He also has a variation that uses weird glyphs and symbols on the ground for a variety of effects, such as nullifying projectiles or pumping up his damage. Because that kind of gimmick couldn’t possibly be a pain in the ass to try and use while Lui Kang pelts you with fireballs and bicycle-kicks right?
Another trick-based finesse character that requires a lot of momentum to get going and can be shut down with a strong offense? Sounds like Lex all over again — sign me up? I don’t know, maybe I just have a thing for bald guys.
MK 9‘s Jax had quite the character arc in the meta-game. He was one of the weakest members of the roster on release, but a few, possibly heavy handed, patches and buffs suddenly thrust him to the top of many tier lists. A real rags-to-riches story (or a great example of why fighting game players hate patches). Skilled Jax players could be a nightmare to deal with, hassling opponents from a distance with earthquakes and projectiles while utterly dominating up-close with powerful grabs and terrifying damage. Later patches toned him down a bit and in the end Jax retired as a respectable, but not spectacular kombatant.
I’m not really interested in any of that. I honestly have no idea if Jax will be a ridiculously powerful demigod of command grabs in MK X, reduced back to his meek early MK 9 low tier hero status, or find some middle balance between the two extremes. I just think he looks awesome.
Jax is a guy who pummels ninjas to death with a pair of robotic arms, which has been scientifically determined to be the coolest possible way to beat a ninja to death. He has a distinguished dash of salt and pepper in his beard, and the kind of preoccupation with cigars that I’m sure Freud would have something to say about. Or maybe not, considering he likes to alternatively snuff those cigars on his robotic fists, or the bloody neck-stump-turned-ashtray of his opponent. Jackson Briggs has it going on. If I can age half as gracefully (and cybernetically) as Jax, I’ll die a happy man.
I know it’s an odd criteria, but if basing my fighting game character choices on aspirational life goals is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Kotal Kahn is my wild card. He’s a new character, so there’s no telling if he’ll be good or bad. On one hand, he was built with MK X‘s unique systems and play style in mind instead of being re-tooled to fit the mold. It’s entirely possible he’ll be an utter wrecking machine of sun-worshiping bad-assery. On the other, he hasn’t had umpteen iterative appearances to figure out his place in the food chain, so maybe longtime favorites like Kung Lao will mop the floor with him using established fundamentals (such as — hat throw, hat throw, hat throw, dive kick).
This is all irrelevant. I’ve got my eye on Kotal because he looks like some kind of Aztec war-god, and that’s pretty tough to beat aesthetically. Why would I want to throw a silly bladed hat at someone when I could fry them with divine sun beams, or cut their heart out with one of those cool wavy cult daggers? Kotal also as a variation where he carries around one of those crazy tribal swords that is basically a wooden board with a row of razor sharp sharks teeth inset along the edges, which seems like the worst thing mankind ever devised to cut another person in two with. It would be like being paddled by a frat brother and devoured by Jaws at the same time, two of my recurring nightmares condensed into one horrific device.
I don’t know how Quan, Jax, and Kotal will shake out. Going by my track record, the fact that I’m expressing any interest in them at all pretty much dooms them (so maybe you’ll want to take this article as a cautionary tale and stay clear of them). Or maybe they’ll turn out to be awesomely powerful specimens and I’ll be retroactively accused of tier-whoring whenever I select them. It will be interesting to find out in a few months when people have had a chance to dig into MK X and test their might.
Until then, I’d be interested to hear what characters you’re excited about. Do you plan on sticking with the tried and true like Scorpion and Raiden? Will you embrace the next generation of fighters and take selfies with Cassie Cage and her crew? Or are you going to be that one freaky dude who mains Ferra/Torr from day one and beats everyone down Master Blaster style?At the end of the day, tier placement really doesn’t mean much, what matters is your skill and enjoyment. As long as you’re having fun and improving your game, any character is the right choice.