Bonkin' Donski: A Destructoid Sexytime Video

0
9

It will be followed by Kyle’s Kock

Apparently there’s a porn actress going around dressing like Anita Sarkeesian and performing explicit acts on-camera, taking the concept of harassment to some kind of goddamn astral plane. We here at Destructoid could not let this new craze pass us by without some manner of horrific exploitation, like taking babies from a candy salesman.

So, as one of Destructoid’s new video personalities (a title I have applied to myself), I am proud to announce Bonkin’ Donski, the first in Destructoid’s new series of pornographic films. Join associate editor Brett Makedonski as he gets his cable fixed right before his cable gets fixed.

I’m talking about some kind of penile manipulation, if you feel me.

We plan to follow up this assuredly popular release with such titles as Andy’s Anus, Occam’s Electric Vibrator, Patrick Hand-Cock (like a handjob except it’s a pun),Mustache Rides with Conrad, Swallow Good: The Jordan De-Vore Story, and Having Sex With Jonathan Holmes. These high-quality programs will contain only the sickest camera angles, and the knee-slapping-est carnal behaviors. Now that’s a Destructoid Guarantee™!

Each VHS will cost you about $800.85, because we’re making VHS tapes in 2015. That shit’s expensive!