The fates of E3 and streams have been decided.
I guess you could say this post is something of a tradition. When I first started reading Destructoid and E3 came around, a fellow named Chad Concelmo would ask the Destructoid community for questions regarding their E3 hopes and find various ways to predict the outcome of these questions, such as asking zoo animals.
So I’ve (inconsistently) tried to keep this idea alive. When I’ve been able to this, I usually have turned to tarot cards. I have a few decks laying around the apartment and sometimes even jobs like Astrologian in Final Fantasy XIV have provided me a means of divining community questions.
This year I put out a quickpost asking community members for one E3 question and one Pokémon from any generation. Then I divided the questions between myself and Occams. My answers to the E3 questions will come from the rather lovely Mystic Mondays tarot deck. I decided to predict based on a similar style to last year. All the Major Arcana cards were shuffled in one deck and Minor Arcana in a separate deck. Three major and one minor arcana were drawn, this is a small embellishment of how I did things last year.
As for the Pokémon, I paired them up and passed them on to our very own Pokémon Whisperer, Occams. He has listened to the cries of each pocket monster and will tell you their own divinations.
Without further ado, let’s get started!
siddhartha85 asks: Will Starfield or Elden Ring have gameplay?
Cards drawn: Reverse Wheel of Fortune, The Hermit, Strength
Whispering Willow: The reverse Wheel of Fortune points to an unfortunate delay in this coming to be, at least where Starfield is concerned. Elden Ring footage emerged shortly after I originally finished the draft for this post.
The Hermit looks on as if to say, “Nothing has really changed. Todd Howard will just put words on a screen and From Soft is just showing off their next round of mind horrors.” Both games will prompt you to say ‘WTF’ a bunch, though the huge bugs will probably have three heads and vomit lava instead of crashing the game in From Soft’s case.
Strength says to endure because good things will come in time. That is if yet another discourse on difficulty and accessibility in games is something you can stomach.
The reversed Five of Cup asks for your maturity and patience. The Hermit pops back in with another cold, hard truth – “Nobody cares if you beat a Dark Souls. Literally no one.”
The Whore of Babylon asks: Will anything… (anything at all).. be shown of Metroid Prime 4?
Pokémon paired: Chespin (VI), Sableye (III)
Occams: Okay, Chespin sounds like onomatopoeia for when a cartoon gets a boner and Sableye sounds like a robot just started puberty. There’s a dissonance there, with such a high, light sound followed by something so heavy and jarring. I’d imagine playing them at the same time would make any nearby dogs start howling. So I’d say no, no Metroid Prime 4.
Mike Sounders asks: Will Bandai show a Gundam game?
Cards drawn: Reverse Temperance, The Chariot, The Moon
Whispering Willow: The reversed Temperance suggests that yet another Gundam game is controversial within Bandai, but was vague on the reasons. Maybe someone is tired of Gundams. The Chariot says another Gundam game is just something they’ll get around to and The Moon agrees that subconsciously Gundam games are just a thing they do.
Finally, a reversed Four of Cups sees a confusing path ahead for it. Probably because Final Fantasy XIV’s Sage has those floaty laser things and anything and anyone could be a Gundam now. Pretty sure I saw Gundams in Yasuke.
Xeo asks: Will Dragon’s Dogma 2 be announced, or even hinted at?
Pokémon paired: Regis (III), Gengar (I)
Occams: Regis’ cry sounds like falling. Eternal falling. Maybe how it feels to be sucked into a black hole and have you’re being condensed to a single molecule of matter. Gengar’s cry is that of ultimate suffering. I’m talking some real Princess Bride shit. So yeah, safe to say that’s a “no” on that one, dawg. And on a personal note, that one really hurts.
Ricky Namara: Will we have yet another Ubisoft collect-a-thon sandbox game?
Cards drawn: The Devil, Justice, The Sun
Whispering Willow: Ubisoft is the devil we know. Preying on the vulnerable and easily addicted which are all things the Devil card is into. So yeah, another open-world collect-a-thon with a vapid season pass and microtransactions made by worn-down folks probably craving to do something, anything different.
Then Justice rides in on a white horse! For Ubisoft management is swine that doth enable abusers! Didst thou say thine microtransactions are a “player choice?’ Tis folly, for that is only in the sense the game will be needlessly grindy. These craven dastards seek the desperate to pay to progress more quickly. No bag of coin is ever enough! Fie! Fie upon the devils!
The Sun says “We don’t need no water, let these mofos burn.” The Five of Swords wants to sit back and watch that happen.
Gimic300 asks: Will we see another collaboration from Nintendo and the lovable french guy from Ubisoft?
Pokémon paired: Riolu (IV), Beedrill (I)
Occams: Riolu is the sound of surprise and, maybe anger? Or at least shock. Like finding a vibrator in a church parking lot. Beedrill is definitely a video game motorcycle revving up. So there’s this momentum to both the cries, a ramping up. And with that, I’ll say yes, that collab will happen.
Boxman214 asks: Will Golden Sun 4 be revealed?
Cards drawn: Reverse High Priestess, The Empress, Reverse Lovers
Whispering Willow: The reversed High Priestess understands you feel this series is neglected. It has been away a bit. The Empress appreciates the adoration of the series, as do the people at Camelot who would like to make another.
Reversed Lovers, however, suggests the higher-ups at Nintendo aren’t really thinking about this at all. The reversed King of Wands says Nintendo will still be pretending it’s not a thing.
Major Tom’s Coffee Cup asks: Will Monolith Soft show their new project?
Pokémon paired: Solgaleo (VII}, Bulbasaur (I)
Occams: oh my, Solgaleo has some pipes, don’t they? There’s pride in that roar. Defiance and strength. Like someone discovering Jewel’s hit album <I>Pieces of You</I> right now at this very moment and realizing they were always going to be okay. Bulbasaur feels like a smaller version. Maybe it’s the small victories we experience in life. Losing the COVID weight. Keeping a daily journal. Making a crucifix out of a Barbie doll and driftwood that you keep under your bed. All victories, whether big or small matter. We should be proud of our accomplishments. That’s why Monolith Soft will be proud to show off their new project at E3.
Gamemaniac 3434 asks: Will we see any announcements from MS from Obsidian or inExile that are CRPG or RPG focused?
Cards drawn: The Hanged Woman, The Tower, The Star
Whispering Willow: The Hanged Woman suggests things at inExile are in a holding pattern right now. The Tower says a storm is coming, though, and that changes are happening within Obsidian post-acquisition.
The Star points to this being a rather inspired change, though so was Mass Effect before EA got their hands on Bioware and the reversed Queen of Wands says “That’s how Anthem happened, after all.”
I should have shuffled my cards better. I just drew her king on the last reading.
Wes Tacos asks: Which company/gaming “influencer” is going to have the most teeth-gnashingly cringey presentation or speech?
Pokémon paired: Sylveon (VI), Sawk (V)
Occams: Sylveon sounds like an old man attempting to whistle at a woman walking down the street. His days of catcalls and jeers are long behind him now. Each sunrise ushers in the thought of another day to be spent sitting on a sinking porch watching the world pass him by as he holds court over rusted nails and faded dreams. Sawk has an alien quality to its cry. Like the first time you heard whale calls and realized there are languages we were never meant to speak. There’s intention if not understanding. And as alien as it is, I can’t help but find it beautiful and a little sad. So yeah, probably Ninja or someone I don’t know whose name is something like Ga$h.
Lawman demands: Gimme a new Jumping Flash. This is not a question or a request.
Cards drawn: The Magician, Reverse Hierophant, Reverse Fool
The Magician agrees that this a great idea and has great potential. Reverse Hierophant is all like, ‘”Hell yeah, give it to an indie studio! Someone that understands this untouched classic! And also make it a soulslike thing.”
The reversed Fool shakes her head, then trips over and falls on the Seven of Swords. Thankfully the Seven of Swords is just another card, not actual blades. It whispers a truth to the reverse fool agrees with:
“Just because you really like something doesn’t mean other things have to be just like it.”
And then they both glare judgingly at the reversed Hierophant.
Seymour asks: Will we finally see a proper Shin Megami Tensei V reveal, with actual gameplay in tow?
Pokémon paired: Pikachu (I), Goodra (VI)
Occams: Ah, the OG Pokémon. I was surprised when I heard this cry that it wasn’t the iconic Peek-a-choo voice we’ve come to know so well over the years. But what surprised me most about it was the darkness of the cry. It’s almost uncaring, like a process the way machine parts move together to ignite chemical reactions and push a bullet out of a gun. Pikachu has a dark side that I was never aware of and you know what, I respect it. Goodra’s cry…I just had to check to make sure they didn’t just copy Lavos’ cry from Chrono Trigger. They didn’t but it’s still close enough that I raised an eyebrow. It’s a very slippery, wet sound. Like something ancient and subterranean letting out a mating call. There’s that darkness again. So much darkness surrounding this one. I have to say that a proper SMTV reveal is unlikely.
slimeybear asks: Will Nintendo have any surprises or new info/reveals or big reveals on upcoming games?
Cards drawn: Reverse World, Reverse Judgement, Reverse Emperor
Whispering Willow: Now, this is s story all about how these cards got flipped, turned upside-down. And I’d like to to take a minute, just sit the World backward here, as I twist Judgment with the inverted Emperor.
The reversed World says something was in its last final moments of development. Chilling out. Maxing. Relaxing. Cooling. Just shooting some b-ball outside of the school. But a couple of guys — who were up to no good — started making trouble in the neighborhood. Someone got in one little fight and reverse Judgement got scared and said, “You’re moving in with your auntie and uncle at Team Ninja.”
Then he pulled up to the studio about 7:00 or 8:00 pm and was ambushed by a literal team of ninjas. These ninjas decided the game didn’t have enough characters on the screen to make the Nintendo Switch really chug. And then the guy woefully looked upon his new kingdom, finally there, to live under the boot of the reversed Emperor.
We haven’t heard anything since. It is going to be a surprise for sure, but the Four of Swords suggests that random guy deserves a nice vacation since he’s now constantly assailed by ninjas.
TurboKill: Will the press get their information leaked again?
Pokémon paired: Charmander(I), Tyranitar (II)
Occams: Charmander sounds annoyed. Like whatever the Pokémon equivalent of being stuck in a traffic jam is. Tyranitar sounds distracted. Basically, I see them as one of the couples in the video for the R.E.M. video for “Everybody Hurts.” So to answer your query, no, their information won’t be leaked again but the pain is still there.
Fuzunga rhetorically asks: Is it finally time for a new F-Zero?
Cards drawn: Reverse Death, Reverse Devil, Reverse Hierophant.
Whispering Willow: Reversed Death says “Let go.” The reversed Devil cries “Break free!”
The reversed Hierophant returns and says “Give it to an indie! Make it a soulslike! Just do it!” He doesn’t even care about the futuristic racing genre, he’s just dead-set on this one thing and won’t shut up.
The Eight of Pentacles suggests just getting settled down and determined to make your own futuristic racer because Nintendo won’t unless Mario and his friends can come over.
Trippytipless asks: Square Enix wants to show us Final Fantasy Remake Part 2, right? Right?!?
Pokémon paired: Dunsparce (II) Meowth (I)
Occams: Dunsparce is breaking my heart a little. It sounds like a baby crying out for its mother. That kind of shrill cry can only come from a place of unfiltered panic. Meowth sounds like a living crystal laughing at something. Like if you could bend crystal like a pretzel but it wouldn’t break. It’s kind of beautiful. Imagine if minerals could laugh. Or if vegetables screamed. Think about that, PETA. And while Square Enix desperately wants to show us FF7R Part 2, it’s not there yet. They ask you for patience and understanding and hope you enjoy all those pictures of Tifa you have saved on your computer.
Punished Nietzsche asks: Will they announce a remake of a PS1 era game?
Cards drawn: Reverse Moon, Reverse Star, Reverse Emperor
Whispering Willow: Again with the reversing! I swear I’m not doing that on purpose!
Anyway, your request has been heard by the reversed Moon.
A PS1 classic will be reborn — Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Magical Mystery Mall!
Look, the reverse Moon means well. It’s like when you asked your grandmother for a toy Pokéball and she gives you a polka dot shawl.
Not helping is that the reversed Star was also inattentive regarding the errand the reversed Moon gave it. They just went to a yard sale, picked up an old PS1 game at random, and brought it back to Playstation, where Jim Ryan has his finger on the very pulse of gamers. He insists they crave more Olsen Twin games. Being the reverse Emperor he is, that’s just how it’s going to be.
The Three of Cups nods in agreement with all this and posts on Twitter that these are “squad goals.” Please look forward to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Return to the Remade Magical Mystery Mall!
Zalno asks: Will Capcom ever re-release the original Viewtiful Joe games in HD this decade?
Pokémon paired: Garbodor (V), Porygon2 (II)
Occams: Garbodor sounds like it’s having an argument with itself over something that happened a decade ago. Like it’s cataloged all the responses it should have said but didn’t at the time. Porygon2 sounds like it’s the other person from the argument Garbodor is thinking about and Porygon2 just rocked them with a comeback. Obsessing over something from a decade ago, dragging yourself through the mental mud is rarely productive. A Viewtiful Joe HD release is unlikely but hope springs eternal.
Parisimo urges: Deep Down when Capcom!
Cards drawn: High Priestess, The Hermit, Judgement
Whispering Willow: The reversed High Priestess says Capcom forgot where they put Deep Down. Like, just literally forgot. It’s there somewhere. They just had it in their hands a few minutes ago and then The Hermit called and said they should just keep making games like they did on PS2 since that has really worked well for them lately. Maybe Okami, pretty please?
And Capcom is all like “Yeah, and maybe Dino Crisis should be a thing again.”
Then Judgement rings the doorbell and is all like, ‘Y’all should really do some more Switch releases. Proper ones. Not this half-on-cheap-cartridge, the rest as a download stuff. And really, another Dragons’ Dogma would be nice.’
And Capcom is like, “Yeah, and maybe it’s time we listen to reverse Hierophant and make that our soulslike.”
And then when Capcom hangs up with Hermit and reversed Judgement goes home, they forgot where they left Deep Down. Was it on the kitchen counter? Maybe next to the alarm clock. They were just holding it…
The Queen of Swords and some Monster Hunter felynes will be looking for it. They’re all very meticulous and like searching for things.
Catooz asks: Will Ubisoft finally announce they are trash and just stop?
Pokémon paired: Farfetch’d (I), Scizor (II}
Occams: Farfetch’d sounds like it’s asking a question only a child would ask. How much further? Can I have this hammer? Skin (but it’s said like a question). Scizor sounds downright soulful. Like Jennifer Holliday’s rendition of “And I Am Telling You” from Dreamgirls. She was in the original ’82 cast you know. Go look it up. It’s transcendental. Asking Ubisoft to take a good hard look in the mirror and speaking their Truth is like asking the above-ground pool not to drown the unattended toddler.
ThatWelshMetalHippy asks: Isn’t it about time the original Resident Evil got some kind of rerelease/remake for the current gen?
Cards drawn: Justice, The Sun, Reverse Magician
Justice says it’s about time. The Sun shines in agreement. The reversed Magician cackles maniacally.
“Resident Evil: Dead Aim will be revived so it can be collectively ignored again,” says the Eight of Cups.
cockaroach asks: Who will be visibly intoxicated/stoned/tripping/rolling on stage while announcing?
Pokémon paired: Gothita (V), Giranta (IV)
Occams: Gothita sounds like a very special episode of Punky Brewster in which Punky had some wine coolers and someone broke a vase. Giratina is definitely the sound of someone losing their shit on a rollercoaster. What appropriate cries for this question. And I guess, given this pairing, the answer is everyone. Everyone will be on drugs.
Cygnus Rusk 961 asks: Will Nintendo finally give the Metroid series its time to shine?
Cards drawn: Reverse Fool, Reverse World, Reverse Temperance
Whispering Willow: The reversed Fool sighs and is all like, “Look, I love Metroid to pieces but it’s never been a chart-topper to Nintendo. It will happen but don’t expect the early 2000s from them. The days of aggressive Metroid production are over.”
Reversed World nods in agreement, “Something is coming, this thing has just had a long journey and changed hands along the way.”
Reversed Temperance, unsurprisingly tosses a fit and wants a Metroid now. The reversed Ace of Cups agrees, flailing about and demanding it now. Sounds like a normal Metroid fan, really.
arkane9 asks: Will CJ and I get our wish of a new Lego City Undercover being announced?
Pokémon teamed up: Jolteon (I), Ludicolo (III), Magneton (I, since sp testure had no question)
Occams: Well, first off, let me say that Jolteon sounds like a member of a Kpop group. With that out of the way, I think Jolteon is conveying hope and excitement for the future in their cry. Their eyes are turned to the heavens and they are letting the sunshine kiss their lips. Ludicolo sounds like he just knocked over a bunch of beer bottles, which, given that he’s the sombrero duck Pokémon, that seems fitting. Magnetos sounds like heavy fuzz. Like a guitar effects pedal turned all the way up. This is an interesting mix. I hear hope. I hear questioning and obfuscation. All in all, I think there is a chance but whether it’s high or low, only time will tell.