Every video game delayed in the UK (Fauxclusive)


Damn you consumer protections!

Following the enactment of the Consumer Rights Act 2015, which guarantees a refund for any digital video game purchase if they are found to be faulty, not as described or not a quality product; every video game publisher announced this morning that their games will now be delayed in the UK until they’ve actually finish working on them.

“This new law in the UK is really changing how we develop our games,” explained Chip Hartley of EA DICE. “Before, we knew we’d be okay putting an unfinished game on digital store shelves and then fixing it with a day one patch, a day three patch, a day 10 patch and a day 70 patch. But now, it’s our responsibility to make sure the game we put out is perfect and ready to go on day one… in the UK. Don’t kid yourself, the rest of the world will still get to deal with a day one patch, a day three patch, a day 10 patch and a day 70 patch.”

The law, which went into effect October 1, is seen as a big win for consumers in the UK and as a stark reminder to people in other countries that their government doesn’t really give a shit about consumers and their digital purchasing rights. While most publishers admit the new law is the reason for the hold up, other companies claim their delays have nothing to do with it.

“The script for Fallout 4 is more than 111,000 lines long,” said David Apt of Bethesda Game Studios. “We simply don’t have enough time between now and November 10 to add the letter ‘u’ to all of those words. Plus there’s all that foreskin we have to put on the digital penises.”

Publishers say gamers in the UK will only have to wait a few months for the games to be finished, or until enough members of Parliament can be bribed or blackmailed into changing the law back, whichever happens first.