Nintendo will now duct tape employee mouths shut before they go home for the day (Fauxclusive)


This or they start cutting out tongues

Following the dismissal of Nintendo Treehouse employee Chris Pranger over comments he made in a Part-Time Gamers podcast, Nintendo of America told employees that beginning next week the company will start physically taping their mouths shut before they leave the office.

“Mr. Pranger’s appearance on that podcast exposed some leaky valves in the great machine we call Nintendo,” said NoA spokesman Kyle Toadsly. “That’s why we have to take such, as some are calling them, extreme measures. But really, is it so extreme to forcibly restrain your employees before they go home to see their families so you can apply industrial strength duct tape to their mouths to keep them from speaking ill about their place of work? We think not.”

Critics say the new policy clamps down on an employee’s right to free speech, but Toadsly says that isn’t the case.

“We’re not trying to prevent people from saying what they want,” he explained. “Our employees know they’re safe to express how they really feel and say what they want to say about Nintendo and our fans… after they’re no longer working for us. Until then you stick to the fucking script.”