The review you score yourself
My first draft of this quiz had only question. Do you love any of the Ghouls ‘N Ghosts N’ Goblins games? A ‘YES’ answer means you should definitely buy this game. A ‘NO’ answer would mean… maybe you should still by this game? It’s a lot less frustrating than your average game in Capcom’s classic 2D action horror series, allowing it a broader appeal.
It’s also a game developed almost completely by one person. The only part not created solely by Locomalito is the music, but don’t begrudge him for it. The soundtrack does an incredible job of harnessing the feel of a family of sound cards used in various game machines from the ’90s, something that he couldn’t have pulled off on his own.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. If you have a computer and want to see for yourself if Cursed Castilla EX is worth your money, you could always try out the original ‘Not EX’ freeware version of the game first. If that’s not enough, the quiz below should be able to help you out.
1) Do you have a comfortable way to play the free computer version?
YES ~ 0 NO ~ +50
2) Do you care about getting the complete experience?
YES ~ +75 NO ~ -75
3) Do you have the PS4, Xbox One, or Steam versions?
YES ~ -75 NO ~ 0
4) Do you want it on a portable?
YES ~ +50 NO ~ -50
5) Do you care about 3DS-specific touches like a fake arcade cabinet on the bottom screen and glasses-free 3D?
YES ~ +25 NO ~ 0
If you answered “YES” to Question 1 and/or Question 3, and you’ve played the full game and enjoyed it, end quiz now, go to the bottom of the page for scoring.
6) Do you like slow-paced, well-balanced, methodically tough 2D action games?
YES ~ +150 NO ~ -150
7) Do you hate it when you get stuck with a weapon that’s almost totally useless?
YES ~ -25 NO ~ 0
7) Do you hate it when dying with the best weapons and abilities means losing them for a whole stage or more?
YES ~ -25 NO ~ 0
8) Do you like games where if you continue too many times, you get a bad ending?
YES ~ +25 NO ~ -25
9) Do you like games where you need to hunt for random secrets in order to see it all?
YES ~ +25 NO ~ -25
10) Do you like creepy graphics that take influence from 1990s arcade games and 1000s European illustrations of myths and monsters (like Satan)?
YES ~ +75 NO ~ -75
11) Do you love the kind of synth sounds that were once unique to the Sega Genesis/Master Drive and other game machines of the time?
YES ~ +50 NO ~ -50
11) Do you like bonus stages where you murder harmless flute-playing cricket men?
YES ~ +12.5 NO ~ WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?
SCORING
0 or less: Surprise! Don’t buy it.
0-49: If you have to choose between death and buying this game, buy the game I guess.
50-99: If you are bored, rich, and are ready to buy a game that you’ll probably never finish, then go for it.
100-149: Pick it up if you can afford it right now. If not, wait for a sale. Just don’t forget about it in the meantime.
150-199: Get it. You’ll get your money’s worth at full price.
200 or more: You’re going to love this thing HARD.