The name game: Moyse has dibs on Moze in Borderlands 3

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Tank you kindly

You’ve seen the best, now see the rest. Everyone else is welcome to their hero choices, I’ve never known a siren to bring good news and the only decent robot ever is Paulie’s sexy-talking droid from Rocky IV. When it comes to Gearbox’ upcoming Borderlands 3, my ticket was punched a long time ago, with the reveal of mech-lovin’ Moze.

How do I love she? Let me count the ways…

Moze is a motherfuckin’ grease monkey.

Moze knows her way around tech. As an scrappy, engineering type, Moze’s inventory is stacked to the rafters with incredible top-of the-line weaponry – including a gun like Jesse Ventura’s in Predator – and a rideable mech unit that would make D.va shit her leotard. It’s all well and good dressing with style, or working on your abs, but who do you need in the Wasteland when you’ve got a flat tyre, need a bomb building, or when your earphones do that thing where you have to hold the wire in a certain position to stop one of the buds from cutting out? The gal with the wrench, that’s who.

Moze is a deadly amalgamation of all the military movie psychos.

Moze has seen some shit. With that “Kill ‘Em All” helmet, super-cool leather bolero jacket, and obligatory “stripes under the eyes” warpaint, Moze has been crafted from the finest warmongers Hollywood has to offer. Unashamedly borrowing from Titan Comics’ nuclear princess Tank Girl, Moze also has the death-addled thousand-yard stare of Tom Berenger from Platoon, Adam Baldwin from Full Metal Jacket, and Donald Duck in those cartoons where he fights in WWII.

I kinda, sorta, really wish I was a badass girl.

I always play as The Gals in video games – and always have done – given the option. Generally, the more confident, wild and nihilistic the lass is, the more she appeals to me. I find this attitude sexy, sure, but it’s way more than that. It’s also really magnetic, freeing and inspiring. Fact of the matter is, I’m a dumpy, tired, middle-aged boy. And boys are pretty rubbish. I’d be very happy to be a snarling, confident, “Go fuck yourself, buddy” girl. For further examples, see also Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill and Switchblade Sisters.

Moze sounds a bit like Moyse.

Well, it does, doesn’t it? That’s why we’re a match made in swell.